Mother's husband demands to charge 20-year-old daughter's boyfriend $350 a month for rent because he sometimes spends the night in their house basement with her: 'This feels less like setting reasonable boundaries and more like pushing them out.'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Jul 10, 2026 2:30 PM EDT

Charging your daughter's boyfriend to sleep in a basement sometimes a month? That sounds a little crazy.

I like that it has become common for some parents to create a space in their house where their sons and daughters can live until they get enough money to move out. It's a clever way to show your children support without being in their business. It is giving them independence (their own space separated from the house) without exposing them to a financial burden before they are even 21 (they still live at home). That is great to preserve your child at the same time that you teach them how to manage their finances and save enough to, eventually, move out of the family home.

In this Reddit story, this tactic is being applied perfectly. The daughters contribute to the house without actually having to spend their whole paycheck. They get a great space to live (the basement), which is part of the house but separate to give them the space and independence they need. The problem is because one of the two daughters that they have, has a boyfriend. He sometimes stays the night with her, but he has not moved in or anything like that. The daughter's stepfather is not happy with this and tells the mom that this boy needs to start paying $350 a month for rent. The mother is not sure about this.

The mother admits that her husband has rights within their home and is fine if he doesn't like her daughter's boyfriend to stay so much. But she does feel like he has no right to parent her, as he's not her biological dad. She thinks that the approach his taking with this rent charge is really strong. She believes that a more preferable approach would be to set boundaries about how much he can stay.

Personally, I think that the mother is the one with actual rights to parent her daughter, and what she thinks is best is what they shall do. But what do you think about it? 
 

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  • 01
    I (43F) am married to my husband (54M). We own a home with a full basement apartment. My daughters (20F and 18F) live there and each pay $350 a month toward expenses. The basement is being remodeled with the goal of eventually renting it out, but it has been an ongoing project for about six years. The issue is my 20-year-old daughter's boyfriend (20M) spends a lot of time staying there. He has not moved in, does not
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 02
    Visual representation of a cozy basement.
    via Smart Renovations

    Visual representation of a cozy basement.

  • 03
    receive mail here, and still has his own home, but my husband feels like he is basically living there. My daughters are responsible. They do not party, they are not loud or disruptive, and they keep the apartment very clean. They buy their own food, handle their own expenses, and take care of their animals. We even separated the backyard so their dogs have their space and ours have ours. Her boyfriend also has his own
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 04
    responsibilities. His job sometimes takes him away for weeks or months at a time, so this is not a situation where he has completely moved in. My husband wants to limit how often he stays to three days a week or charge him $350 a month if he stays more often. His argument is that we do not just allow our children's significant others to live with them in our home.
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 05
    Where I struggle is that my daughters are adults. The reason I wanted this basement apartment was to give my children a safe place to learn independence without forcing them to move out before they were financially ready. I wanted them to experience adulthood while still having support and a roof over their heads. I do not always agree with their choices, but I believe they are adults and need to make their
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 06
    own decisions, learn, and grow. They contribute, respect the home, and are responsible. There is another layer: these are not my husband's biological children, and he was not involve in raising them or parenting ther throughout their childhood. I have always been the primary parent handling rules, boundaries, and guidance. Because of that, it is difficult for me when he steps into a parenta role now that they are adults.
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 07
    I do understand this is our home and my husband has a right to have a voice. I am not saying his opinion does not matter. However, I feel my relationship with my daughters, the fact that they are adults, and the fact that they are responsible members of the household should also matter. I also struggle because my husband and I lived together before we were married, so I find it hard to enforce a stricter
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 08
    standard on our adult children than the one we followed ourselves. My concern is that this feels less like setting reasonable boundaries and more like pushing them out before they are ready. So, AITA for not supporting my husband in limiting my daughter's boyfriend's time in the basement apartment, or should I be backing him because it is our
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 09
    home and he feels a boundary is being crossed? (Not sure how much time he actually spends here, they have their own entrance, but he is most likely here for an entire week before he leaves for a week or more for work)
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 10
    Model image of an empty room.
    via Point3D Commercial Imaging Ltd

    Model image of an empty room. 

  • 11
    fleurgold NTA. Your daughters are adults. They pay rent.
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 12
    XaquariD They're adults living in their own space. I say they should be treated the way you would treat any other tenant. So if two young women, wholly unrelated to you two, moved in and were paying $1000 a month in rent with no issues or noise problems, would your husband feel the need to dictate how often they could have their boyfriends over?
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 13
    Would he insist that the boyfriend(s) pay rent as well? It's great what you two are doing for them, but if part of it is letting them learn how to live like adults, let them learn to live like adults. If anyone should have a problem it should be the younger sister, but if she's cool then there's really nothing to bring any drama about.
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 14
    Serious-Wish4868 I think you and ur husband need to sit down and decide if your daughters are family or tenants in the context of the basement.
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 15
    Deathwatch72 This is actually a thing that's defined by most state tenancy laws. Consult your relevant states laws to determine how many nights a person has to stay over consecutively or in a given period to be determined to be a tenant legally speaking.
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 16
    beergal621 Really hard to judge without knowing how often he's there. If it's everyday for 3 months and gone for a week. That's too much. If it's on average 2-4 times a week in a separate apartment and you never see them and they don't eat your food and use your utilities then it's
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 17
    fine. How does your other daughter feel about him being there?
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 18
    Tofulish8889 NTA - you're spot on. "My concern is that this feels less like setting reasonable boundaries and more like pushing them out before they are ready" You want your children to be able to stay in their home and practice adulting in a safe way, and he wants
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 19
    your space back. I think he should be honest about why he thinks charging $350 is necessary - is it causing extra bills? If he can make a good argument then listen to that. If he is charging $350 just to prevent your daughter from living with her BF then why should he care? They're having s and they're adults.
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 20
    If he just wants your kids out, then maybe set a plan - you don't expect they will be there forever. They're only 18 and 20 which is incredibly young. It just seems like you need an honest conversation. You're not the AH
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 21
    Action Hot2974 Your kids are grown simple as that your husband is tripping and needs to accept reality
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 22
    TitaniaT-Rex This one is tricky. My first thought is NTA. I don't mind my daughter's boyfriend being at my house. He cleans without being asked and takes the wheelie bin to the road on trash day. However, I retreat to my room more than I hang out in the kitchen living room because they are often watching tv. Does the
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 23
    basement have a separate entrance? How much time is the boyfriend spending in common areas of the house? Is he disrupting your normal routine?
    via Right_Aerie_4270
  • 24
    justusleag If your daughters had roomates and their boyfriends where staying that much, the roomates would have a problem with it.
    via Right_Aerie_4270

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